A theme that seems pervasive through my life is that I often feel outside of things. This has always been the case with regard to how I view myself as an artist... always throughout my scholastic career (and including college) I have never really fit in with any one clique. This in and of itself is not so bad, as I do value my individuality and belief in personal freedom, but I have found that most of humanity seems to be more of a pack mentality and as a result tend to eschew people after a bit who don't conform to the packs characteristics -- this can lead to general feelings of loneliness or nonacceptance. Yes there are those who pair off like swans, but for the most part people group together.
As I was saying, while in my school years I never quite fit in with any of the cliques; I got a long with many, and floated through many circles, but never seemed to find any ground. This was no different in the "Art Department". As it were... the group who peopled the art departments were a collection of individuals who were either actually interested in art, got into art because they thought it was "cool" or "easy", or could not find another clique to incorporate themselves into. From these people, many sub-divisions were created... I always seemed to fit squarely outside of all of them. I was arty but not an art "freak" as some people called themselves. I was talented but not as much as others. I did not smoke the Pot, as so many did, and which was apparantly a stigma to be ostracized for! ;)
It only became more pronounced when I got to college -- perhaps it was the schools I attended, but it seemed like the majority of kids at "art school" seemed to be there because they either thought it would be an easy soft-option, or because they simply did not know what they wanted to do. Thankfully there were exceptions... but they were the exceptions.
So, as a theme in my life it translates into how I view myself as a cyclist: I am not hardcore enough to be a serious roadie, not crazy enough to freestyle BMX, not cool enough to be a fixed gear hipster, just not interested in being a Dutch bike riding Europhile... hell, I'm not even lame enough to be a fred!
damn... I thought I had a point with all this but it just wound up sounding like me whining.